Be Nothing

“The only way to avoid criticism is to do nothing, say nothing and be nothing.” (Aristotle)

I was nothing,
Nothing and no-one
A zombie running through the motions of life,
Just to avoid a hard word or look,
Dodging the ‘dropped’ book or slammed door,
I became nothing
So you wouldn’t hurt me anymore,
If I say nothing,
You will have nothing to critique,
Right?

Wrong.
Being nothing hurt me worse than you ever could
Because it seeped through my skin
Until I believed it was true
I really was nothing and no-one
And you attacked me anyway
You always found a way
To leave me with new scars
And now I have to battle myself
To remember I’m more than nothing.

Meek as a mouse,
I shrank into the shadows
Became a ghost of myself
Believing I could escape you
Blaming myself for the words you said
Maybe I really was the problem
If I’m less me, you’ll go away
But that didn’t happen.

I almost faded completely,
Trying to fit into your box
And dilute my own personality,
I became nothing
And was told I would always be nothing
But that’s not true
The moment I gave myself a chance
Was the moment I became more than nothing
A hell of a lot more than you could ever imagine.

Slipping

I can feel myself slipping
Wth nothing to do
And nothing to focus on
All the bad things come back

Once I start working again,
It will all be ok, won’t it?
I just need something to do
A project to keep my mind busy

It’s so easy to fall
When all you’re doing is killing time
Between different projects
A lull in your life

With no physical activity
Or mental exercise to speak of
My mind races with all the mistakes
Or regrets I should have

But the fact is, I am happy
Even though things seem blank right now
And my mind is preparing for a war
I know I won’t slip and fall this time
Because I fought and won before.

Broken Pieces

I’m not as broken as I used to be
I still have a shattered heart,
But lately it hasn’t felt as sharp
Slowly it’s moulding back together.

There’s no one else in the picture
I’ve just learnt how to put myself back together
So maybe the next time it gets broken
It might not hurt so much.

I hope that one day all these scars will fade
And I’ll know then I’m where I belong
But until that day comes along
I’ll keep mending my broken pieces.

Lessons

freedom

It’s your time to shine,
This is your stage now.
You fought all their battles,
And now you can show them all,
You’re a better person than they’ll ever be.
Because you finally won,
Ignoring all their cries.
You enjoy this moment in the sun,
It was hard won.
But you did it all on your own.
Don’t look back at them,
They never really were your friends.
All they ever were was lessons you’ve learnt.
And now you’re really free,
To show the world what you can do.