Meeting Again

Facing you now

Isn’t like seeing an old friend

I realise now

With a sinking feeling

That I don’t miss you anymore.

 

Once you tore me apart

I was crushed

That you could ignore me so

But not anymore

Not today

 

Seeing you now

We talk about people in common

As if that’s all we ever had

No common interests

No past history

 

I look at you differently

Can’t believe I ever felt so bad

Like I wasn’t good enough

When in reality

You would never be enough for me.

Pretty Life Picture

Ice cold; Black heart.

Words I’ve heard before.

Using sarcasm to hide,

How I really feel,

Or so you tell me.

 

Of course you know me,

Better than I know myself.

Typical boy thinking he owns the world,

Because society told you

That one day you could.

 

You judge before you know,

And yet you talk of harmony,

As if it’s your life motto.

I guess I just don’t fit,

Into your pretty-life picture.

 

Because how could someone hurt?

Or turn cynical in this world?

When you are the only one,

Allowed to have a bad day,

Everyone else must smile!

Be Nothing

“The only way to avoid criticism is to do nothing, say nothing and be nothing.” (Aristotle)

I was nothing,
Nothing and no-one
A zombie running through the motions of life,
Just to avoid a hard word or look,
Dodging the ‘dropped’ book or slammed door,
I became nothing
So you wouldn’t hurt me anymore,
If I say nothing,
You will have nothing to critique,
Right?

Wrong.
Being nothing hurt me worse than you ever could
Because it seeped through my skin
Until I believed it was true
I really was nothing and no-one
And you attacked me anyway
You always found a way
To leave me with new scars
And now I have to battle myself
To remember I’m more than nothing.

Meek as a mouse,
I shrank into the shadows
Became a ghost of myself
Believing I could escape you
Blaming myself for the words you said
Maybe I really was the problem
If I’m less me, you’ll go away
But that didn’t happen.

I almost faded completely,
Trying to fit into your box
And dilute my own personality,
I became nothing
And was told I would always be nothing
But that’s not true
The moment I gave myself a chance
Was the moment I became more than nothing
A hell of a lot more than you could ever imagine.

Beauty

When you’re standing on the shore,
Looking out at the sea.

When you’re sitting in a room,
Surrounded by your friends.

When you’re smiling on the outside,
And on the inside, you’re shining.

When you laugh so hard,
You could cry.

When you look out at the world,
And see all the beauty.

It’s when you are at peace on the inside,
That you can see the beauty all around.

Fake Middle Class

A term you made for yourself,

Looking down on us

Because we don’t have your ‘standards’,

I’m not as fussy as you,

I don’t want that silver spoon,

I worked hard to be here,

And your judgement is unfounded,

Because you had the same beginnings I did.

I don’t care for your finer things,

Importance put on material possessions,

I don’t have the money,

Or the inclination for it.

I want to be out there,

Seeing the world,

Not trapped in my house,

By all your middle-class priorities.

Invisible

I’m saying things,
But you don’t hear me,
It’s not that you don’t understand,
You just don’t want to hear it.

It’s not my fault,
That my opinion doesn’t match yours,
Or that I was born a woman,
But you ignoring me, is your fault.

I don’t even know that you realise,
How invisible you can make me feel,
With your white male privilege,
That you claim you don’t have.

It’s bad enough I have to endure this,
Out in the real world,
But I expected more from friends,
Who have been outcast too.

This is meant to be a safe place,
Free from attack or judgement,
Yet you still treat me like I’m less than,
And my opinion just doesn’t count.

I might as well be screaming,
For all you seem to notice me,
Because I will never give up fighting,
I just didn’t expect to have to fight you too.