Invisible

I’m saying things,
But you don’t hear me,
It’s not that you don’t understand,
You just don’t want to hear it.

It’s not my fault,
That my opinion doesn’t match yours,
Or that I was born a woman,
But you ignoring me, is your fault.

I don’t even know that you realise,
How invisible you can make me feel,
With your white male privilege,
That you claim you don’t have.

It’s bad enough I have to endure this,
Out in the real world,
But I expected more from friends,
Who have been outcast too.

This is meant to be a safe place,
Free from attack or judgement,
Yet you still treat me like I’m less than,
And my opinion just doesn’t count.

I might as well be screaming,
For all you seem to notice me,
Because I will never give up fighting,
I just didn’t expect to have to fight you too.

Slipping

I can feel myself slipping
Wth nothing to do
And nothing to focus on
All the bad things come back

Once I start working again,
It will all be ok, won’t it?
I just need something to do
A project to keep my mind busy

It’s so easy to fall
When all you’re doing is killing time
Between different projects
A lull in your life

With no physical activity
Or mental exercise to speak of
My mind races with all the mistakes
Or regrets I should have

But the fact is, I am happy
Even though things seem blank right now
And my mind is preparing for a war
I know I won’t slip and fall this time
Because I fought and won before.

You Matter

untitled

Sometimes the world isn’t pretty,

But that’s ok

Just know that for all those dark days,

I am here.

 

You are never alone,

I will always be here to listen,

I may be far away,

But I will always care.

 

Because this life can get messy,

And we all need those friends,

Who will stand by your side,

And never give up on you.

 

People can be cruel.

They say things that hurt,

But I want to help you heal,

So you can help others.

 

Your voice was not meant to be locked away,

So don’t let them shut you out,

You matter in this world,

I won’t let you forget that.

Sore Wrist

Small girl,

Defenceless you think,

Grab hold

She can’t fight back

You get what you want

She likes it really.

 

Tell yourself lies

Convince yourself it’s ok

I push you away

Tougher than you thought

But I’m left with the shame

And a sore wrist

 

You act like it’s nothing

I should expect this

Small girl

Likes to party

Clearly I’m asking for this

And you can’t control yourself.

Down But Not Out

It’s time to get off the ground
Because I’ve been beaten
But I’m not done yet.

It’s time to get back in this fight
Because I’m bruised
But I have not been broken.

You can try and kick me now,
But I will keep fighting
To rise above it all.
I will continue to fall at times,
But I will always get back up.
You cannot hold me back,
The world is waiting for me.

Real Picture

Hidden Feelings Apple
Pushed around like dirt,
I went somewhere dark,
To a place no-one else could see,
Hidden deep behind my eyes.

A smile can tell you everything,
That you want to hear,
A million little lies,
All carefully concealing truth.

I kept my head down,
Went through the motions,
Of yet another blurred day,
To keep you all happy.

I never noticed it then,
How much i came to hate you,
For not seeing all my pain,
Through the clever lies.

Now I know it wasn’t your fault,
I made the picture believable,
And you wanted to believe it,
To not see the broken me.

It’s my own curse,
To not be able to show,
Exactly how dark things can get,
To always have to smile.

Beaten and bruised once more,
I’m still saying ‘I’m fine’,
And you still believe me,
And all my clever lies.

Someday I will learn,
Then you will see the real picture,
The one shattered into tiny pieces,
Broken but trying to stay whole.

Until that day I will smile,
And you’ll go on believing,
Because neither of us want to admit,
That I might not be ok.

Ok Tomorrow

Maybe there is something wrong with me,
Maybe those girls where right all along,
And they were just trying to help me see,
How unimportant I really can be.

On a good day I wouldn’t say this,
But today everything is dark,
I’ve been hurt and I’m struggling,
With all the pain rising to the surface.

This is what I get for pretending,
That everything is ok for far too long,
People keep telling me this,
But I never listen.

How am I supposed to share with people,
When I know how it will crush them,
I don’t want to see those sad faces,
Or the pity in their eyes.

I can and will deal with this alone,
Because I know from the past how strong I am,
And I know it’s ok to have a weak day,
Because I know I will be ok
Tomorrow