Two Blue Lines

It’s the scariest test you’ll ever take,
And the one you don’t want to pass,
Because that will be a life-changer,
And you will never be alone again.

In this country you don’t have options,
You have to be all in,
Anything else is against the law,
And your family will hate you.

Your body has been taken over,
It’s no longer just yours to have,
Suddenly everyone gets an opinion,
But no-one wants to hear yours.

You’ll start to feel sick at the sight of food,
And moving too much will be painful,
But don’t complain about this beautiful miracle,
This is what you were meant to do.

So forget all those plans you had,
Everything disappears as you stare at those lines,
Bright blue ones that could change everything,
But only if you tell someone.

Meaningful

I’m gone,
To the other side of the world.
I finally did it,
Packed a bag and left.

Left behind friends and family,
The job I was stuck in,
And the job going nowhere,
Now I’m free.

Free to go where I will.
Do what I want
And make new friends
And yet here I am again

Again feeling a little out of place,
Looking for another thankless job,
As a way of something to do,
Stuck and not wanting to be bored.

Bored leads to dark thoughts,
And feeling useless all over again.
I need to do something productive.
To do something meaningful.

Wash Away The Sin

I’m the sin you can’t wash away,
No amount of holy water will help,
And every time I think of it,
I choke inside.

 

You want to be the saved Christian,
Born again as a renewed believer,
But then you look at your family,
And there I stand.

 

We’ve all made mistakes,
Those things we’re not proud of,
Would you go back and change it?
Try and erase it, if you could?

 

Now you see history repeat itself,
I’ve left that life behind me,
Just like you did back then,
Will I turn out like you?

 

There’s more of you in me,
Than you would really want to admit,
The more rebellious side,
You’re trying so hard to hide.

 

No matter how hard you pray for forgiveness,
Or the number of good acts you do,
They will never make up for this mistake,
I am the one you will never forget.

Family

Well happy birthday to you,
With all of your new friends.
Oh wait…
There aren’t any.

I may sound bitter,
But you should have known,
You can’t turn your back on us,
We’re irreplaceable.

You chose the ‘better life’
And climbing your social ladders,
Over the ones who had been there all along,
And where has it got you?

On this very special day,
Who is there for you?
Who is helping you celebrate?
Making you feel like you belong.

We could have been,
But you left us.

Lots of love,
The Family you used to have.

Mother

It’s only now that you’re realising how much you missed.

You look back at my childhood,

And remember the little girl I used to be.

I know you wonder how I got to who I am now,

Because you weren’t there.

 

You breeze over those years,

Pretend they never happened.

I was fine:

The lie I fed you that you chose to believe.

You didn’t want to face the real problems.

 

You’ll never know how close you came,

To being a mother of two again.

And I’ll never tell you.

You chose not to see the darkness in me,

Because you never could understand it.

 

You’ve lost people to the dark before,

And you couldn’t face losing another.

But you did nothing.

It took over me and you let it,

Bad memories holding you back.

 

If I hadn’t been so strong,

You would be telling a different story,

Of the two people you had lost,

Because of our ‘selfishness’,

Haunting you forever.

 

You nearly lost me,

And now you want to make up for it,

But you will never be able to accept those years,

The depression gripping me, pulling me under,

And the guilt holding you back.