Stopped Listening

It started in high school,

Things got bad

And I was in pain.

You didn’t want to admit it

So you stopped listening.

You became absorbed in yourself

To distract from my pain

And now you don’t know how to listen

And I don’t know how to talk to you.

 

Now all you do is talk

About the only topic you have: you.

And no-one else is listening

Because we’ve heard it all before.

You are scared of the silence

It tells you the horrible truth.

You don’t know us anymore,

And things aren’t right between us.

Because you weren’t listening when I needed you to.

Chasm

And so it opens once more
That ever-dark chasm
Stitched so neatly together
A wound that never fully heals
Stitched and re-stitched countless times
It will never disappear
Swallowing the light in me
I sink down that spiral
Lying on the floor
Pleading for it all to go away
I don’t want to feel like this.

It was meant to be a happy day
With celebrations all around
But I can’t even fake a smile
And there’s no-one here to see,
Me try and keep it together
So I fall on my own
With the cheers drowning out my tears.

Sweet Relief

Feel everything you need to feel

It’s ok to be broken

You know how this works

You’ve hit a low patch again

It might last for a while

But it won’t be forever.

 

Lying on the floor

Trying to tell yourself you don’t need help

It feels like everything inside is breaking

But tonight it’s ok to be broken

Let the pain fall from your eyes

Scream out the anger you hold within

 

Hiding away in a cocoon

Today is not the day to be social

You need this relief from the dark

Just so you can be normal again

Because right now, you are not okay

But you know you will be again.

Be Nothing

“The only way to avoid criticism is to do nothing, say nothing and be nothing.” (Aristotle)

I was nothing,
Nothing and no-one
A zombie running through the motions of life,
Just to avoid a hard word or look,
Dodging the ‘dropped’ book or slammed door,
I became nothing
So you wouldn’t hurt me anymore,
If I say nothing,
You will have nothing to critique,
Right?

Wrong.
Being nothing hurt me worse than you ever could
Because it seeped through my skin
Until I believed it was true
I really was nothing and no-one
And you attacked me anyway
You always found a way
To leave me with new scars
And now I have to battle myself
To remember I’m more than nothing.

Meek as a mouse,
I shrank into the shadows
Became a ghost of myself
Believing I could escape you
Blaming myself for the words you said
Maybe I really was the problem
If I’m less me, you’ll go away
But that didn’t happen.

I almost faded completely,
Trying to fit into your box
And dilute my own personality,
I became nothing
And was told I would always be nothing
But that’s not true
The moment I gave myself a chance
Was the moment I became more than nothing
A hell of a lot more than you could ever imagine.

Inside My Head

This is a poem I wrote when I was around 14 or 15 years old. I have edited it a little here, but I wanted to keep it as close to the original as I could.

Inside my head,
There’s a perfect world
A world I created,
The world I love.
It’s better than the one I actually live in,
I wish I could live inside my imagination.
Instead of in this,
Most horrible of worlds.
Inside my head,
Anything can happen,
Good or bad,
Nice or not.
But you see, it’s all mine,
You can’t ruin it.
Because you will never find it,
It’s inside my head
And that’s where it will stay.

Slipping

I can feel myself slipping
Wth nothing to do
And nothing to focus on
All the bad things come back

Once I start working again,
It will all be ok, won’t it?
I just need something to do
A project to keep my mind busy

It’s so easy to fall
When all you’re doing is killing time
Between different projects
A lull in your life

With no physical activity
Or mental exercise to speak of
My mind races with all the mistakes
Or regrets I should have

But the fact is, I am happy
Even though things seem blank right now
And my mind is preparing for a war
I know I won’t slip and fall this time
Because I fought and won before.