Sweet Relief

Feel everything you need to feel

It’s ok to be broken

You know how this works

You’ve hit a low patch again

It might last for a while

But it won’t be forever.

 

Lying on the floor

Trying to tell yourself you don’t need help

It feels like everything inside is breaking

But tonight it’s ok to be broken

Let the pain fall from your eyes

Scream out the anger who hold within

 

Hiding away in a cocoon

Today is not the day to be social

You need this relief from the dark

Just so you can be normal again

Because right now, you are not okay

But you know you will be again.

Be Nothing

“The only way to avoid criticism is to do nothing, say nothing and be nothing.” (Aristotle)

I was nothing,
Nothing and no-one
A zombie running through the motions of life,
Just to avoid a hard word or look,
Dodging the ‘dropped’ book or slammed door,
I became nothing
So you wouldn’t hurt me anymore,
If I say nothing,
You will have nothing to critique,
Right?

Wrong.
Being nothing hurt me worse than you ever could
Because it seeped through my skin
Until I believed it was true
I really was nothing and no-one
And you attacked me anyway
You always found a way
To leave me with new scars
And now I have to battle myself
To remember I’m more than nothing.

Meek as a mouse,
I shrank into the shadows
Became a ghost of myself
Believing I could escape you
Blaming myself for the words you said
Maybe I really was the problem
If I’m less me, you’ll go away
But that didn’t happen.

I almost faded completely,
Trying to fit into your box
And dilute my own personality,
I became nothing
And was told I would always be nothing
But that’s not true
The moment I gave myself a chance
Was the moment I became more than nothing
A hell of a lot more than you could ever imagine.

Inside My Head

This is a poem I wrote when I was around 14 or 15 years old. I have edited it a little here, but I wanted to keep it as close to the original as I could.

Inside my head,
There’s a perfect world
A world I created,
The world I love.
It’s better than the one I actually live in,
I wish I could live inside my imagination.
Instead of in this,
Most horrible of worlds.
Inside my head,
Anything can happen,
Good or bad,
Nice or not.
But you see, it’s all mine,
You can’t ruin it.
Because you will never find it,
It’s inside my head
And that’s where it will stay.

Slipping

I can feel myself slipping
Wth nothing to do
And nothing to focus on
All the bad things come back

Once I start working again,
It will all be ok, won’t it?
I just need something to do
A project to keep my mind busy

It’s so easy to fall
When all you’re doing is killing time
Between different projects
A lull in your life

With no physical activity
Or mental exercise to speak of
My mind races with all the mistakes
Or regrets I should have

But the fact is, I am happy
Even though things seem blank right now
And my mind is preparing for a war
I know I won’t slip and fall this time
Because I fought and won before.

Hiding

I’m 26 now,
But sometimes I am still that 15 year old girl,
Who couldn’t breathe at the thought,
Of having to stand up in front of class
With every face turned towards me.
They’d listen politely,
Like they were taught to do.
But none of them would really hear me,
Or see me properly,
Because I’m hiding behind a mask
I’ve been perfecting for you all.

So I may be 26 now,
But that mask still gets used sometimes.
Because people still don’t really hear me,
And they can say it’s because I don’t have experience,
And I’ll say it’s because I’m a woman.
And sometimes that might be true.
But maybe they are not to blame,
Maybe it’s just because I became too good at hiding,
And not good enough at just being me.

You Matter

untitled

Sometimes the world isn’t pretty,

But that’s ok

Just know that for all those dark days,

I am here.

 

You are never alone,

I will always be here to listen,

I may be far away,

But I will always care.

 

Because this life can get messy,

And we all need those friends,

Who will stand by your side,

And never give up on you.

 

People can be cruel.

They say things that hurt,

But I want to help you heal,

So you can help others.

 

Your voice was not meant to be locked away,

So don’t let them shut you out,

You matter in this world,

I won’t let you forget that.

Broken Pieces

I’m not as broken as I used to be
I still have a shattered heart,
But lately it hasn’t felt as sharp
Slowly it’s moulding back together.

There’s no one else in the picture
I’ve just learnt how to put myself back together
So maybe the next time it gets broken
It might not hurt so much.

I hope that one day all these scars will fade
And I’ll know then I’m where I belong
But until that day comes along
I’ll keep mending my broken pieces.