It’s only now that you’re realising how much you missed.
You look back at my childhood,
And remember the little girl I used to be.
I know you wonder how I got to who I am now,
Because you weren’t there.
You breeze over those years,
Pretend they never happened.
I was fine:
The lie I fed you that you chose to believe.
You didn’t want to face the real problems.
You’ll never know how close you came,
To being a mother of two again.
And I’ll never tell you.
You chose not to see the darkness in me,
Because you never could understand it.
You’ve lost people to the dark before,
And you couldn’t face losing another.
But you did nothing.
It took over me and you let it,
Bad memories holding you back.
If I hadn’t been so strong,
You would be telling a different story,
Of the two people you had lost,
Because of our ‘selfishness’,
Haunting you forever.
You nearly lost me,
And now you want to make up for it,
But you will never be able to accept those years,
The depression gripping me, pulling me under,
And the guilt holding you back.