It’s only now that you’re realising how much you missed.
You look back at my childhood,
And remember the little girl I used to be.
I know you wonder how I got to who I am now,
Because you weren’t there.
You breeze over those years,
Pretend they never happened.
I was fine:
The lie I fed you that you chose to believe.
You didn’t want to face the real problems.
You’ll never know how close you came,
To being a mother of two again.
And I’ll never tell you.
You chose not to see the darkness in me,
Because you never could understand it.
You’ve lost people to the dark before,
And you couldn’t face losing another.
But you did nothing.
It took over me and you let it,
Bad memories holding you back.
If I hadn’t been so strong,
You would be telling a different story,
Of the two people you had lost,
Because of our ‘selfishness’,
Haunting you forever.
You nearly lost me,
And now you want to make up for it,
But you will never be able to accept those years,
The depression gripping me, pulling me under,
And the guilt holding you back.
There’s a fire inside you,
That you cannot show.
You’re not supposed to cry,
You’re not supposed to feel.
Stay in your little box,
Don’t try and fight back,
Because there’s a fire inside you,
And they can’t handle it.
Look around you and what do you see?
I see a sea of pink,
Different from the usual green and orange.
I see smiles and laughter,
Rather than the harsh glares.
I see one flag,
Instead of two.
I see hundreds of bicycles,
Not the odd pipe bomb.
I see people lining the route,
Not the riot police.
I see even the sheep are getting involved,
Instead of white they are pink.
I see a whole city working as one,
Rather than being in two sections.
I see tourists falling in love with the place,
Different from residents hating each other.
I see a new city,
Look at it and tell me what you did?
Sink into a world of music
It’s safe, it’s noisy, it blocks out the world
The louder the better, the less you will hear
When the songs’ pounds become your heartbeat
Nothing can touch you
Because you have locked them out
You are inside your head, with music blaring
People ignoring you, aren’t there anymore.
The music swells within your brain
Your life becomes the song
With its highs, and lows, it’s a rollercoaster ride
Sing along; let them know they can’t hurt you!
Block them out with noise
They’ve blocked you out with coldness.
Music sings to the soul
It can fill your every limb
Nothing can go wrong.
There’s the beat of the drum, the beat of your heart
The vocals become the words you wish you could say
It’s a sound-filled world
Which is empty of human negativity
Lose yourself, in what they say
And find a new you in the song
For a while.
A blank piece of paper,
With your name scrolled at the top,
A pen poised in your hand,
Sparkling black ink at the nib.
A list of choices,
Presented to you,
By a woman with a wide grin,
And false eyelashes.
You are shaking in excitement,
Of this, a new adventure.
You place the pen on the page,
When she turns and says:
No signature required.
Struggling against a vast and strong current.
Being pushed under by the raging sea.
Fighting the torrent of waves crashing over me.
Floating, but only just, trying not to drown.
Alone, in a wide ocean of storms,
Hurricanes raging, no-one in sight.
But I’m not here for me, I’m here for you.
Though it’s difficult to see around me,
Through the storms and underlying currents,
I will get to you and hope to help.
Playing lifeguard for a while, to save,
You from what I have gone through myself.